Paying on a date

Dear Lucy,

I was on a lunch date recently, and the gentleman I was with wanted to pay. Women aren’t supposed to pay on dates, I know, but I’m not like other women.

I don’t know how to not pay, like I don’t know how to play Lacrosse. And men know I can’t play Lacrosse, or cook a good Goulash, or do exotic things wearing exotic underwear. They know, so I pay. That’s how it goes.

But this man wanted to pay.

Of course I wanted him to pay, mainly because I need some new jeans and I’d rather buy those. But what would it mean if I did, let him pay?

Would I have to do something in return? Kiss him? More than kiss him? Would he expect me to move up from lunch to dinner and if so, would he still be paying at dinner or would it be my turn? If that’s how it’s going to be I’m going to end up paying more because dinner always costs more than lunch and I’m not sure I like him that much. I’ve already imagined our first argument, and it didn’t end well.

The other option of course, would have been to insist on splitting the bill because I’m a fierce and independent woman who oozes self-respect. Paying half is what I would normally do after all, but it doesn’t mean I want to.

If I was a Feminist, I’m sure I’d have known what to do in an instant; pay for it all, pay for half, not have gone on the date in the first place because dates just reinforce out of date gender roles? Like Lacrosse, I don’t really understand how Feminism works.

Maybe I was getting ahead of myself. Maybe he only wanted me to say “thank you”? He seemed a nice man, but one thing I do know is that there’s no such thing as a free lunch.

So in the end I let him pay, but then I climbed out of the toilet window so I didn’t have to deal with the consequences. It was just big enough. I hurt my ankle and grazed my chin on the way down. I didn’t mind though because it means I can go shopping for jeans. Perhaps I’ll wear them on my next date.