Dear Lucy, I wanted to tell you about my recent visit from Mrs Bennett from Pride and Prejudice. I saw she’d become a Dating Coach and my interest was piqued. It was pricey having her to come and live with me (essential to her way of working) but how could I resist. Things however tookContinue reading “Mrs Bennett”
Author Archives: CP
Handbag
Dear Lucy, my handbag is more confident than me. I didn’t mind at first, letting it put its best foot forward whilst I followed with my less best knee. In situations where I felt less confident – almost daily – my handbag acts as a buffer between me and that experience. Slowly I catch upContinue reading “Handbag”
Ex-boyfriend
Dear Lucy, my ex-boyfriend keeps rejecting me in my dreams. It normally starts with an unspoken reunion though occasionally it’s like a fairy tale. One time he even built me a shopping mall with everything I could ever want so I didn’t have to leave. Normally though it’s quiet and familiar and I just kind ofContinue reading “Ex-boyfriend”
Paying on a date
Dear Lucy, I was on a lunch date recently, and the gentleman I was with wanted to pay. Women aren’t supposed to pay on dates, I know, but I’m not like other women. I don’t know how to not pay, like I don’t know how to play Lacrosse. And men know I can’t play Lacrosse,Continue reading “Paying on a date”
See a penny
Dear Lucy, I do believe I have a legacy, but I’m afraid no-one will know it was me who left it. It’s not necessarily that I want to be remembered, I just don’t want to be forgotten, and this could my ticket. So here’s what it is. I made up a second part to ‘SeeContinue reading “See a penny”
Typewriter
Dear Lucy, I recently brought a typewriter, a big ugly (but beautiful) electric one from the 80s. I just loved the idea of seeing the mark being made on the paper as I typed – touchable, inky, noisy. I could see myself smacking the paper with letters, words and wonder. Turns out it has a dickyContinue reading “Typewriter”
Sneeze (aka Sabbatical)
Dear Lucy, The other day, after a particularly violent sneeze, I came crashing to the ground in a big pile of nuts, bolts, coils, and all manner of metal workings. The sneeze was loud, yes, but it had been drowned out by the heavy thud of all my parts bouncing and clanking against each otherContinue reading “Sneeze (aka Sabbatical)”
Microwave Masterchef
Dear Lucy, The other day I was preparing my dinner – a ready meal of Thai Green Curry – and guess who was there in my kitchen, judging my every move? Yes! John and Greg from MasterChef. I felt nervous under their critical gaze, but think I did myself proud. Greg was impressed – forContinue reading “Microwave Masterchef”
Purple Sock
Dear Lucy, I can’t find my husband. I’ve looked everywhere you can imagine. As you know, it’s not like me to lose something. I did find something whilst looking though. A purple sock. It was in a duvet cover, rammed right into the corner. After the initial excitement of finding it, it made me want to cry. SomehowContinue reading “Purple Sock”
Scarf vs Shoes
Dear Lucy, The other day on the tube, I caught a man staring at the scarf wrapped around my neck. So I immediately I started staring back – at his shoes, neatly wrapped around his feet. I soon regretted choosing his shoes as it meant I would have to break my stare to check if heContinue reading “Scarf vs Shoes”
