Dear Lucy, You may be worrying about me being all alone during lockdown. Fearing that I may go slightly mad, climb the walls, start talking to myself. But I wanted to assure you that I’m really very well, and actually, not on my own at all. Just the other day I noticed my radiator, asContinue reading “I am not alone”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Spider Funeral
Dear Lucy, A dead spider lay on my window sill. Legs shrivelled into an octopus like bundle, dead body at the top still holding them all together. I thought about throwing it in the bin or using my Dyson handheld to hoover it up so I don’t have to make any contact, but I can’tContinue reading “Spider Funeral”
Lifeline pen – parts 2 and 3 – The long goodbye
Dear Lucy, Shit’s getting real. That pen I wrote to you about recently – the green lifeline one (where I had the feeling, when it ends, so will I) – is literally hanging on by a pale, inky thread. Whilst I don’t think of myself as superstitious, I’m getting a bit concerned. I’m taking extraContinue reading “Lifeline pen – parts 2 and 3 – The long goodbye”
Lifeline pen
Dear Lucy, I had the weirdest feeling about my green pen last Thursday. It’s hard to describe what happened. It was like a crack of lightning in my brain, in an instant, I knew. When the pen runs out, so will I. As you can imagine, this was a slightly alarming moment. I was holdingContinue reading “Lifeline pen”
Kelsey Grammer Dear Lucy, Did I ever tell you about when I bumped into Kelsey Grammer? He was in London starring in the musical Big Fish. I wanted to see him, but didn’t much care for the film Big Fish so assumed the musical wouldn’t be any good either. As I’d only go and seeContinue reading
Early flight
Dear Lucy, I’ve always wanted to need to catch an early flight, to have something important enough to need to leave first thing in the morning for. I’ve been on early flights before, but I haven’t ‘had to’ be on them. People in films and on the TV are always catching early flights. Never late-morningContinue reading “Early flight”
I meant “Neanderthal”
Dear Lucy, I called a man a Palestine the other day. Well, I almost did. I actually wanted to call him a philistine which, turns out, wasn’t even the right word anyway. It got me thinking though, about the reason that I wanted to shout at him at all, especially as I’m really not oneContinue reading “I meant “Neanderthal””
Be careful what you wish for
Dear Lucy, I recently brought a brass lamp in a charity shop. I brought it because it was in the ‘this stuff is seriously crap’ 50p box under the till. The lid was missing and had been replaced by a stress ball that looked like a sprout. Its plight overwhelmed me – no-one would everContinue reading “Be careful what you wish for”
I just want some space!
Dear Lucy, I had coffee with a friend last week. He’s all for supporting local, independent ventures and so he chooses the location. I already know in advance it will be ‘one of those’ trendy coffee shops where, one way or another, I’m going to get a cup of coffee I won’t enjoy, feel generally insecureContinue reading “I just want some space!”
List-less
Dear Lucy, I had a most terrible and thrilling thought this week. What if there were no more lists? What if I stopped making lists? I immediately want to make a list of all the lists I could stop making. I don’t. The list of lists I’m making is the list to end all lists. This list-lessContinue reading “List-less”
