Dear Lucy, I love going to the barbershop round the corner. It’s not strictly a barbershop, it’s a salon, but it’s staffed (and frequented) largely by men – lovely Brazilian ones, so to me it’s a barbershop. This fact alone makes it irresistible to me because I’m pretty desperate for male attention as you know,Continue reading “Barbershop”
Tag Archives: humour
Crown Green Bowling therapy
One of my favourite evenings of 2022 I have a new Jigsaw laid out and the conversation is flowing on the table to my right. “How big is the Caravan Ruth?” someone asks. “Oh, you’ll have to ask Graham.” Ruth then explains how big the awning is in the hope, I suppose, that this willContinue reading “Crown Green Bowling therapy”
Flesh and blood
Dear Lucy, It occurred to me recently that I’m never going to get a knock on the door from a child I never knew I had. I think I’ve been holding out for this in some way. Of course it’s ridiculous to imagine that I would. I am a woman and I couldn’t have aContinue reading “Flesh and blood”
I am not alone
Dear Lucy, You may be worrying about me being all alone during lockdown. Fearing that I may go slightly mad, climb the walls, start talking to myself. But I wanted to assure you that I’m really very well, and actually, not on my own at all. Just the other day I noticed my radiator, asContinue reading “I am not alone”
Spider Funeral
Dear Lucy, A dead spider lay on my window sill. Legs shrivelled into an octopus like bundle, dead body at the top still holding them all together. I thought about throwing it in the bin or using my Dyson handheld to hoover it up so I don’t have to make any contact, but I can’tContinue reading “Spider Funeral”
Lifeline pen
Dear Lucy, I had the weirdest feeling about my green pen last Thursday. It’s hard to describe what happened. It was like a crack of lightning in my brain, in an instant, I knew. When the pen runs out, so will I. As you can imagine, this was a slightly alarming moment. I was holdingContinue reading “Lifeline pen”
Kelsey Grammer
Dear Lucy, Did I ever tell you about when I bumped into Kelsey Grammer? He was in London starring in the musical Big Fish. I wanted to see him, but didn’t much care for the film Big Fish so assumed the musical wouldn’t be any good either. As I’d only go and see the showContinue reading “Kelsey Grammer”
Early flight
Dear Lucy, I’ve always wanted to need to catch an early flight, to have something important enough to need to leave first thing in the morning for. I’ve been on early flights before, but I haven’t ‘had to’ be on them. People in films and on the TV are always catching early flights. Never late-morningContinue reading “Early flight”
I meant “Neanderthal”
Dear Lucy, I called a man a Palestine the other day. Well, I almost did. I actually wanted to call him a philistine which, turns out, wasn’t even the right word anyway. It got me thinking though, about the reason that I wanted to shout at him at all, especially as I’m really not oneContinue reading “I meant “Neanderthal””
Be careful what you wish for
Dear Lucy, I recently brought a brass lamp in a charity shop. I brought it because it was in the ‘this stuff is seriously crap’ 50p box under the till. The lid was missing and had been replaced by a stress ball that looked like a sprout. Its plight overwhelmed me – no-one would everContinue reading “Be careful what you wish for”
Dear Lucy 